Are you a 21+, out of college, working, single, Christian woman hoping to stumble upon a Godly man online? This is whole shin dig post is for you then! I have built a “red flags” list for women that should be useful wakeup calls to show that they’re possibly swiping on the wrong kinds of men and how to avoid diving into conversations, dates, and possible relationships with men that aren’t the Godly guys they were hoping for. To all the young adult single men reading this post, I hope you can read this post to learn a few things about what a real Godly woman is looking for online, and maybe somethings you can avoid doing on the apps that turn women away.
Definition of “Red Flags”: An action, thing, or habit that is a possible deterrent, or something that could hinder the receiving person. This so called, “red flag” does not necessarily mean said person must be removed or shunned. It is simply taking caution and is a useful tool for weeding out, and focusing on their priorities or wants.
Some food for thought, I think dating apps are good platforms for when you’re wanting to see what’s out there in the dating world. I think it’s also good for people who work a lot, who just moved to a new city, etc. I do think dating apps (Bumble and Hinge are the ones I’m referring to in this post) are good opportunities to meet new people. I do not think that apps are a necessity, and they’re not something anyone should depend on. These apps are just tools that can be used as a useful option. When you’re a Christian woman and on a dating app, that doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t trust God to put the right person in your path. I simply think it’s a another tool that God can use to connect you to someone. The most crucial part about these apps is that you have to have the right intentions, right heart, and right mindset on how you’re using the app. You have to realize that the app is not the last strand of hope in finding someone. It is not the only source of possibility and you cannot put all your heart into it. The app is not God, so you shouldn’t give it more time that you do with your Lord and Savior…
*DISCLAIMER to the WOMEN: Even though this list may seem very stereotypical, you have to remember that women have to stay SAFE on these apps. While swiping and talking online, you have to take in account that these men are STRANGERS. Women almost have to stereotype until you meet them in person so they have a better chance of weeding out the absolute creeps and possible predators. Also, ladies, remind yourselves that it is a slim to none, possible 2% of actual Godly men on these sites.
**DISCLAIMER to the MEN: If you’re a guy reading the swipe left list and one of these applies to you, don’t get offended. Not every single one of these reasonings behind the swipe left item might pertain to you, your thoughts, your intentions, or your situation. It doesn’t make you a bad person, or an ungodly person that you’re one of the guys on this list. None of the Christian women that think these things or swipe left on you for these reasons is necessarily judging. It only means she has a different preference in the kind of man she wants to see herself with. Lastly, I’ve made this list based on things that I have seen with myself and my other Christian friends backed up in real life situations many times over again. Also, men, if you really want to know what the girl is thinking on the other side of that app, this list is what they’re actually thinking about.
***DISCLAIMER to ALL READERS: Before reading the list, you have to take note that I personally made this list based on things I think a lot of Godly women would appreciate and want to see in a man that is online. I also have made this list based on real conversations that I have had with my Christian friends.
Finally… To the good part…!!
Profiles- Swipe LEFT if….
- They do not put Christian on their profile or the “typical sunday” question does not involve church of any kind — that usually means Christianity is not important to them and/or they are not involved with their church
- They are a different faith than you
- Middle finger pics — obviously they’re still stuck in the wanna be college typical frat boy stage
- ALL shirtless pictures — this is a good indicator they are very conceded and/or have self esteem issues because they are wanting to show off their bodies in order to prove their own self worth and/or could potentially be very pompous.
- Their eyes are red in their photos — if they look high in a couple of their pictures, there is a very high chance they were literally high, stoned, or plastered in that photo
- They’re holding beers in EVERY photo — that most likely means they feel the need to have alcohol at every occasion or possibly could even have a problem with drinking
- No pictures of friends or activities — this is the biggest indicator that they most likely do not have a social life whatsoever. You want your guy to have a social life. So find someone that doesn’t have all selfies. Find someone that has group photos and him going out and doing something fun with his life.
- BATHROOM MIRROR PHOTOS — I cannot stress enough how annoying and tacky bathroom photos are on a man’s profile. If they use one or multiple bathroom selfies that is a very high indicator that they do not have a life. Most people that have lives get pictures taken of themselves at the event, they have selfies with friends, etc… Not alone, fake/awkwardly posed in the bathroom pics
- Cussing in his bio — such a turnoff for a lot of Christian women…
- Pics older than three years — Every person on planet earth physically changes in some sort of fashion over a couple of years. Think about it girls, if that guy looks really good, but it’s really pixilated then those photos were probably taken back in 2011. That is probably not an accurate portrayal of him. If they’re clearly choosing older pictures of themselves that means they currently are not out doing things in their social life/work life that they are getting photos taken of themselves out and about which means they’re a turtle and probably live in a hole. OR that means that they have major self-esteem issues in how they see themselves in the present which is another red flag
- All sunglasses pictures — guys, if we can’t see your eyes and full face in your photos because your glasses are too huge or are always on in your pics, we’re not going to swipe right because we don’t know what you even look like
- Pictures in bed — girl, that’s all they want. If they think the best impression of themselves is a photo of themselves in bed, that means that getting into bed with you is a possibility. Also, that means, yet again, they probably don’t have a life.
- Not putting their height — There’s a huge possibility that this is something their very insecure about. So you need to be careful when they don’t put it because they’re not telling the full truth about themselves.
- The one photo guy — just swipe left. There’s so many wrong/ridiculous things with that there’s no reason to even type it all out on this…
Conversations- Swipe LEFT if….
- Just saying, “Hi” — that is not a conversation opener. Boys that just say hi and not even ask you how your day is going or any other kind of question is pure laziness. Don’t talk to someone like that and waste your time on a lazy child
- The three worded replies — Another example of laziness is someone who only replies with three worded responses. This is not what a man does if they’re trying to get to know you, that’s what a boy does in the beginning. If their responses are short like that right off the bat that means they are not looking for a relationship, they are looking for something casual
- Not parroting — Parrots are animals that reply to you when you say something to them. You should want that in a conversation. When you ask a question, you’re hoping for a response and another question back of some sort. There needs to be a want from the man to continue on the conversation in some sort of fashion. That is just simply how you get to know someone.
- Replying in 48 hours to 10 days — I have tried personally getting off of my phone so much so I can enjoy more life. I definitely do forget to reply to people and I do forget to call them back, just in general. So if there is a man that doesn’t reply to you for a day or so, you might give them a second chance to see where it goes. There could be extremely valid reasons why he didn’t reply, work, vacation, family time, no cell service, etc. But a man who replies 10 days later should be an immediate unmatch and do not reply. They do not care about you evidently, or they are just mentally in another state of their lives right now which does not include having a conversation to get to know someone in order to date them.
- Inviting you over to their place on the first meet — just say no ladies. 85% of the time this means that boy has other intentions and he doesn’t care about your “mind” or your “conversation”.
- Adding them on snapchat and their story looks different than their profile — this is the point you’ve been talking for a little bit, you’ve added him on snapchat, but his face looks different than it did online. This is where his late night story posts are a little too wild for you and they aren’t matching up with things you talked about through the app. Block his butt, and move on chickie…
- Constantly blowing up your phone — This is a high indicator that he is highly insecure in his personality, life stage, and/or his singleness because he’s dying for attention, he’s needy, and wants you to be the reason he fills these voids
- If he seems kinda creepy online — this means he’s even creepier in person!! Read your gut. Feel the red flags your conscience is giving you. If you’re getting weird vibes from him, unmatch, don’t go on the date, and move on. Don’t tell yourselves, “Well maybe he’s different in person?” *Did I just hear a siren going off in the background? YES. It’s your conscience calling, and you better not put that call on voicemail!
Ladies, I hope this list helps you when you are out in the world of dating apps. Please just remember to take care of yourselves while you’re on them. Seek out what is good. Don’t resort to stooping to lower your standards in order to get a match or fill a loneliness void with a conversation from a person that isn’t worth your time on these apps. Don’t let all your energy be poured into finding a match. Remember that there is a real world past these matches. Yes, your phone lighting up today is a cute little confidence boost, but that might not last long term into tomorrow or next week, next month, next year. Remember you’re a child of God that gets ALL of their confidence, worth, and guidance from the One and Only. Don’t get too down on yourself if that guy stops messaging, put your focus elsewhere. Don’t be disappointed the next time you get ghosted. Men, please remember that the women you’re talking to and matching with are another man’s daughter. These women are your sister in Christ, treat them as such. Mostly, to everyone, in all seriousness, there are 1% amount of men and women on these apps that are truly steadfast after Christ and His will. They are passionate about growth in their faith and knowledge about Him, and that they want a truly committed Godly relationship. So my advice is, ya these apps are ok, but it’s not worth a lot of your time. It’s always good to hope a little, but maybe put your eyes, ears, and heart into prayer about your future spouse instead of trying to find a quick fix to your “singleness problem”. Be less focused by the app on your phone. Be more in tune with the Spirit in order to be content and joyous where your feet are in life with your singleness and be eager for immense possibilities of the future that God has in store for you.